“Mind-reading” is a cognitive behavioral therapy tool that speaks to the idea that we sometimes mind-read other people, and we also expect others to mind-read us. Misunderstandings root from the very idea that we (at times) expect others to simply “just know” what we are thinking or feeling, without ever speaking to them about it.
Take for example: you’re at work and your co-worker is being distant. This is not typical of her, so you start to think to yourself, “Maybe it’s because of that meeting we had yesterday. I was a little aggressive.” In response, you get a little peeved that your co-worker is being so sensitive. You begin to distance. You don’t mention the issue, but all of a sudden, both of you are distant from each other.
Now imagine, just for a second, that you don’t really know why they’re upset. You have a hypothesis. Simply that. You might be right, you might be wrong, or you might be somewhere in the middle.
Maybe she had a bad day. Maybe her cat died. Maybe she got terrible sleep. Maybe you were aggressive in the meeting. The point is this: Oftentimes, we mind-read situations, and then base major relationship decisions off of them. To make matters worse, we could be completely wrong!
To end mind-reading, we simply ask our co-worker, our spouse, or partner: “I want to check-in with you about something…” and through NOT assuming, and being open to the myriad of responses we might receive, we’ve opened up a major channel of communication – and avoided a misunderstanding.