Misunderstanding Pitfall 2 of 5 – War of Perceptions and Memory
Another pitfall that many relationships fall into is the battle of perceptions. For some people, they believe that their perception is the absolute truth. There is a core belief that the perception is a fact, and NOT arguable. While this may feel right in the moment, it can cause a misunderstanding.
To complicate matters, people will often go into their memory banks, and say, “but this happened, and then this.” The other will say, “No, this happened.” And off to the races.
You must know this. Memory is faulty; it is not as reliable as we’d like to think. Research shows it over and over again, yet so many of us are defensive about it and don’t allow for any wiggle room.
Also, rigidity on your perception can cause misunderstandings to worsen. Put simply, perceptions are subjective, NOT objective. The core relationship skill is to open yourself to this complexity, which ultimately allows you to hear your partner’s experience, without battling it out over details that may or may not be true.
Thank you for reading Pitfall #2 of 5
[Pitfall #1 Was Mind-Reading – “Mind-reading” is a cognitive behavioral therapy tool that speaks to the idea that we sometimes mind-read other people, and we also expect others to mind-read us. Misunderstandings root from the very idea that we (at times) expect others to simply “just know” what we are thinking or feeling, without ever speaking to them about it.]
Watch for Pitfall #3 next month |
